A toast…

Day 8: #reverb13 What went right in 2013?

2013-10-19 17.46.59

Attending a wedding went right for me.

That might sound funny to anyone who doesn’t know me, but if you add crippling anxiety and paralysing fear into the mix, it might start to make sense.

My fears went a bit like this (every day from the moment the invite landed):

  • I can’t go
  • I have to go, but I’ll never manage and I’ll ruin it for everyone
  • I’ll be in such a state that I won’t be able to get in the car (the point of no return)
  • I wonder how I can get out of this?
  • IF I make it to the church, I’ll get claustrophobic and have to leave
  • I’ll ruin the service
  • It’s better for everyone if I don’t go

This list goes on indefinitely, I won’t bore you with the gorey details.

But…I did it. I got in the car, I enjoyed the beautiful church service, ate in front of people at the reception (I find it physically impossible to eat when I’m nervous, a vicious circle…), and the best bit – I boogied the night away with my gorgeous guy. Happy days. I ENJOYED it! Ok, there were a couple of wobbly moments, but I didn’t let them spiral out of control. A moment to myself, a few kind words instead of my usual inner dialogue, and all was good again.

I can’t begin to tell you how different the reality was from all the scenarios I’d spent so much time and energy running through in my head. I am so proud of that day. Everything went right.

Lessons learnt:

  • Imagine things going badly and they probably will
  • Picture it going well, and it just might do that
  • Dont waste precious time on what ifs
  • Learn to speak kindly to yourself
  • Learn to spot and stop any black & white thinking

(Getting to the church and then going home wouldn’t have been failure, any step outside the front door was better than staying at home. Life isn’t pass or fail).

  • Learn to remember the good bits more than the bad bits

A toast to the happy couple, and to one very happy guest.

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