I’m a big fan of muddy experiences. They become our greatest teachers when we’re wise enough to exfoliate with them; roll around in the deep until we finally feel ready to get clean.
Today, identify something muddy that kept recurring for you throughout 2013, and then ask yourself this: What’s the clear truth underneath this damn mud if I finally wash myself clean?
My mind is a muddy mixture of thoughts that go round in my head. This time last year my thought process was relatively simple, it was a straight no. No, I can’t do that because I’m petrified. It was a thick black impenetrable mud.
This year there’s a more murky mixture of thoughts. I have recently been trying to work out how to seperate my thoughts from the Anxiety Monster’s thoughts. For example, there is an event coming up that I don’t want to attend. I have to work out if I really don’t want to attend, or if these are the whisperings of that little gremlin again. If I tell myself that I don’t want to attend because it’s not my cup of tea, how can I trust that I’m not reverting back to my old habit of avoiding situations I’m afraid of?
Thankfully I have a wonderful counsellor who helps me wade through all this mud, wellies and all! She recommended I listen to my first thought or reaction, and stick with that one. So, the event in mind started off as “I’m not sure I can be bothered with the hassle, I’d rather stay in” – and so that is what I shall do. PJs, tub of ice cream, bliss. Another event coming up started with excitement, and now the anxious thoughts are creeping in – and so I shall put the anxious thoughts aside and go and enjoy myself.
Sounds so simple doesn’t it? Hopefully it is. Hopefully learning which thoughts are mine and which are rantings of the gremlin, I can learn to be true to myself. That’s the gold underneath all that mud.